I was asked how to handle working with someone whose poor planning results in extra stress for you; besides he is difficult about ... everything! If you work with humans, you will run into difficult people. It doesn't matter where on the organizational chart you find yourself, there is no such thing as a "difficult-free" zone. It doesn't exist so why not accept reality and have strategies to deal with the inevitable. BTW, I have included at the end of this post how to use this situation to your advantage!
Main Principle:
If you want to fix the problem you will need cooperation from your coworker. The first rule is to make sure the other party does not become defensive. To do that, avoid saying "You"; use "I" statements instead. It is harder than you think. Try it.
Imagine your coworker neglected to complete his part of the project and forced you to burn the midnight oil - again! You're upset and you plan on confronting him because you have had it. What will you say? Remember the word "you" is prohibited. This strategy will work with coworkers as well as other relationships.
Here is a suggested script. "I stayed up all night to complete the project. I was not planning on doing that. I was trying to come up with ways that completing the project can be a team activity and not solely my responsibility. Can we come up with some solutions?"
It is unpleasant having such conversations; however, with practice you will become an expert, and once you are known for this skill you will be pursued by managers within your company as well as other companies.
If you want to fix the problem you will need cooperation from your coworker. The first rule is to make sure the other party does not become defensive. To do that, avoid saying "You"; use "I" statements instead. It is harder than you think. Try it.
Imagine your coworker neglected to complete his part of the project and forced you to burn the midnight oil - again! You're upset and you plan on confronting him because you have had it. What will you say? Remember the word "you" is prohibited. This strategy will work with coworkers as well as other relationships.
Here is a suggested script. "I stayed up all night to complete the project. I was not planning on doing that. I was trying to come up with ways that completing the project can be a team activity and not solely my responsibility. Can we come up with some solutions?"
It is unpleasant having such conversations; however, with practice you will become an expert, and once you are known for this skill you will be pursued by managers within your company as well as other companies.
Strategy:
Most people don't clearly know what the issue is. Also most do not know what they are looking for in this altercation. In other words, what does a good resolution look like? With that information, try understanding why the issues continue to occur.
Next, ask if you can discuss better communications between the two of you. There may be the possibility that your coworker is unaware of issues that are being created. Even if the issues are known, this approach allows your coworker a face saving mechanism to change behavior.
Finally, try appealing to your coworker's empathy. Explaining where you are coming from can make a world of difference in some situations. In some cases, people that seem difficult may be defensive because they feel that you are being difficult. Working through a situation can help both you and the other person to understand each other.
Most people don't clearly know what the issue is. Also most do not know what they are looking for in this altercation. In other words, what does a good resolution look like? With that information, try understanding why the issues continue to occur.
Next, ask if you can discuss better communications between the two of you. There may be the possibility that your coworker is unaware of issues that are being created. Even if the issues are known, this approach allows your coworker a face saving mechanism to change behavior.
Finally, try appealing to your coworker's empathy. Explaining where you are coming from can make a world of difference in some situations. In some cases, people that seem difficult may be defensive because they feel that you are being difficult. Working through a situation can help both you and the other person to understand each other.
As promised, here is how you can turn this friction with a coworker to your advantage.
Two scenarios:
1. You go into your boss’s office and unload all the issues you are having with your coworker. The boss acknowledges the challenging situation. You say thanks and leave after leaving that turd in your boss’s lap.
2. You go into your boss’s office and tell about all the issues you are having with your coworker. You continue by saying the magic phrase all bosses love to hear, "I am planning on addressing the situation. I just wanted to keep you in the loop. Also, I would love hearing any strategies that I should use."
Two scenarios:
1. You go into your boss’s office and unload all the issues you are having with your coworker. The boss acknowledges the challenging situation. You say thanks and leave after leaving that turd in your boss’s lap.
2. You go into your boss’s office and tell about all the issues you are having with your coworker. You continue by saying the magic phrase all bosses love to hear, "I am planning on addressing the situation. I just wanted to keep you in the loop. Also, I would love hearing any strategies that I should use."
Talk about making lemonade out of lemons! This is a wonderful opportunity to showcase your strengths.
In closing, there are two ways to get rid of your enemy. First, grind them into dust (a long and painful process) or second, you could turn your enemy into a friend!
In closing, there are two ways to get rid of your enemy. First, grind them into dust (a long and painful process) or second, you could turn your enemy into a friend!
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