This week I am deviating from my plan for my blog due to an unforeseen event that had a profound effect on me. On Saturday, one of my fellow warriors in this battle against ALS conceded after a long, hard fight.
It was hard for me because he had been fighting about the same amount of time as I have and, for a time, it seemed like he was doing better than I was. He was about the same age as I am and he also had three children.
At the end, he suffered daily and was not able to breathe which is how he died. It is similar to drowning. I understand that reality, but it is difficult to expect that as my future. It is scary and I am afraid. I find myself wanting to be done with this fight. I have to hold on to hope otherwise I will fall into depression.
It was hard for me because he had been fighting about the same amount of time as I have and, for a time, it seemed like he was doing better than I was. He was about the same age as I am and he also had three children.
At the end, he suffered daily and was not able to breathe which is how he died. It is similar to drowning. I understand that reality, but it is difficult to expect that as my future. It is scary and I am afraid. I find myself wanting to be done with this fight. I have to hold on to hope otherwise I will fall into depression.
I realized through Steve’s death that I cannot live my life comparing myself to other people. Their story is not my story. Even though we share similar circumstances, our journeys are not the same.
Every person’s travels through life are truly unique. I continue to hope that the ending to my story will not be as a result of ALS.
Every person’s travels through life are truly unique. I continue to hope that the ending to my story will not be as a result of ALS.
The worst part about my comrade dying is that he was an amazing Christian and a pastor! I say this is the worst part because there seems to be a belief among certain people that if we only have enough faith, we can be healed. Surely, of all people, a pastor would have the faith required for a physical healing!
For quite some time, I have had people encouraging me to have faith and then I would be healed. To some degree that hope is encouraging but since the healing hasn’t come, I have begun to question my faith and, as a result, even my salvation. Worse, I questioned my family’s faith because people insinuated that because of THEIR lack of faith, I wasn’t being healed. Really? I can’t control that!
This week I came to the conclusion that yes, God can still perform miraculous healings. I still hope and believe for that healing for myself every day. I also understand that sometimes in spite of our faith and obedience, God simply says, “No.” Why? Because if we are Christians, our purpose here on earth is not to fulfill our own desires but to serve God in whatever way possible. Sometimes that means suffering gracefully to show His power within us, thereby glorifying Him.
For quite some time, I have had people encouraging me to have faith and then I would be healed. To some degree that hope is encouraging but since the healing hasn’t come, I have begun to question my faith and, as a result, even my salvation. Worse, I questioned my family’s faith because people insinuated that because of THEIR lack of faith, I wasn’t being healed. Really? I can’t control that!
This week I came to the conclusion that yes, God can still perform miraculous healings. I still hope and believe for that healing for myself every day. I also understand that sometimes in spite of our faith and obedience, God simply says, “No.” Why? Because if we are Christians, our purpose here on earth is not to fulfill our own desires but to serve God in whatever way possible. Sometimes that means suffering gracefully to show His power within us, thereby glorifying Him.
Some people question whether or not my ALS may have been brought on by my sinful life or perhaps a generational curse from my parents’ sinful lives. In John 9, there is a story of a blind man that addresses this.
As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. "
As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. "
Basically, I take this to mean that my ALS is with me so that the works of God can be displayed in my life. Those works may be a miraculous healing or they may simply be showing the world the love of God’s people as I am cared for during this illness.
My point is we don’t know if God’s glorification will be shown through our miraculous healing or through how we handle our suffering. All we do know is that ultimately God is in charge and we are not.
My point is we don’t know if God’s glorification will be shown through our miraculous healing or through how we handle our suffering. All we do know is that ultimately God is in charge and we are not.
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