Ashley, your oldest sister, asked me to share advice on various situations she and you will encounter as you tackle life. I decided to make it into a blog because perhaps, someday, you may want to share it with your children.
Her list of topics about which she asked for advice can be summarized into three items: How do I control my emotions? How do I control my actions? And how do I control my mind?
Before I dive into the words that will guide you, let me tell you about three types of people on this planet: dumb people, smart people and wise people. Dumb people make mistakes and continue to repeat those same mistakes never learning from them. Smart people make mistakes and learn from them hopefully not making the same mistake twice. Wise people learn from the mistakes made by other people!
Her list of topics about which she asked for advice can be summarized into three items: How do I control my emotions? How do I control my actions? And how do I control my mind?
Before I dive into the words that will guide you, let me tell you about three types of people on this planet: dumb people, smart people and wise people. Dumb people make mistakes and continue to repeat those same mistakes never learning from them. Smart people make mistakes and learn from them hopefully not making the same mistake twice. Wise people learn from the mistakes made by other people!
The key to control our emotions, actions and our thoughts is to become wise. Over the course of my life, I've become aware of triggers I have that get me to jump on the emotional roller coaster. I can feel it when my emotions are calling me to lose control. I purposely refuse to get on board.
A piece of advice I will give you is to master your emotions or they will certainly master you! When you are able to gain control only then can you move on. Throughout life, you will only be given responsibility in direct proportion to your emotional control. So if you fall apart when you are criticized, you will struggle with becoming a leader. Said differently, the more criticism you can take the more people you can lead.
Work on your poker face or better yet, smile as much as you can; it will make people wonder what you know. My smile has been one of my best assets. By the way, it takes intelligence to smile. I'm sure this fact may surprise you but think about it. Dumb people fly off the handle very easily. They seem to have a special ability to find reasons to be upset with any situation. You know these people; it seems like they were weaned on a pickle!
A piece of advice I will give you is to master your emotions or they will certainly master you! When you are able to gain control only then can you move on. Throughout life, you will only be given responsibility in direct proportion to your emotional control. So if you fall apart when you are criticized, you will struggle with becoming a leader. Said differently, the more criticism you can take the more people you can lead.
Work on your poker face or better yet, smile as much as you can; it will make people wonder what you know. My smile has been one of my best assets. By the way, it takes intelligence to smile. I'm sure this fact may surprise you but think about it. Dumb people fly off the handle very easily. They seem to have a special ability to find reasons to be upset with any situation. You know these people; it seems like they were weaned on a pickle!
Developing control over actions requires even more wisdom. Here is a hypothetical situation. Imagine you are eight. A girl pushes you and calls you names. You immediately push back and call her some very colorful names yourself. “She started it!”
Now you are 28 and someone at your office "attacks" you with a very pointed email. You waste no time and fire back with an equally forceful email. “She started it!”
The thing people miss is although the provocation is out of your control, how you respond, and when you respond is up to you. When you have a knee-jerk reaction, that shows you are weak, so control your timetable. You retain control by not giving your opponent what was expected.
Controlling your mind is the ultimate battle ground. This is my personal Achilles heel. Being in a body that is basically paralyzed, I am left to my thoughts. It is a challenge for anyone facing a storm. I have learned that I need to talk to myself instead of listening to myself! This simple idea will change how you deal with a crisis.
Let me give you a real life example. Yesterday, something I'm plagued with happened. Saliva went into my lungs and it caused a coughing fit, one that seemed to stop air from getting into my lungs. I was coughing uncontrollably, and I felt as though I was suffocating. Needless to say, I panicked. My mind was screaming, "This is ALS! This is how you will die! This is the end!"
At that moment, others around were helpless. They were watching this horrible situation unfold in front of them. I had a choice. I could listen to this cacophony or take control by talking to myself. I chose the latter. I told myself, "Calm your coughing. Slow down your heart. Go to a happy place. Think about the skit at your birthday." I replaced my situation with one that was awesome. Slowly, my trauma was replaced by a treasure. I was breathing and smiling!
Watch the places your mind will want to go. Discipline your thoughts. Banish all toxic thoughts with positive ones. It will take practice but believe me the practice is worth it.
Now you are 28 and someone at your office "attacks" you with a very pointed email. You waste no time and fire back with an equally forceful email. “She started it!”
The thing people miss is although the provocation is out of your control, how you respond, and when you respond is up to you. When you have a knee-jerk reaction, that shows you are weak, so control your timetable. You retain control by not giving your opponent what was expected.
Controlling your mind is the ultimate battle ground. This is my personal Achilles heel. Being in a body that is basically paralyzed, I am left to my thoughts. It is a challenge for anyone facing a storm. I have learned that I need to talk to myself instead of listening to myself! This simple idea will change how you deal with a crisis.
Let me give you a real life example. Yesterday, something I'm plagued with happened. Saliva went into my lungs and it caused a coughing fit, one that seemed to stop air from getting into my lungs. I was coughing uncontrollably, and I felt as though I was suffocating. Needless to say, I panicked. My mind was screaming, "This is ALS! This is how you will die! This is the end!"
At that moment, others around were helpless. They were watching this horrible situation unfold in front of them. I had a choice. I could listen to this cacophony or take control by talking to myself. I chose the latter. I told myself, "Calm your coughing. Slow down your heart. Go to a happy place. Think about the skit at your birthday." I replaced my situation with one that was awesome. Slowly, my trauma was replaced by a treasure. I was breathing and smiling!
Watch the places your mind will want to go. Discipline your thoughts. Banish all toxic thoughts with positive ones. It will take practice but believe me the practice is worth it.
Everything your mom and I have done has taught you how to become excellent leaders. A point most people miss is this: in order to be a great leader, you have to be an amazing follower.
I've seen many people that I've hired think they are ready to take the helm on day one. What they don’t realize is that no matter how smart they are, nobody will follow someone with a selfish agenda and no relevant experience. The best leaders are the first to serve; they exhibit humility. Humility is a funny thing though, the moment you think you have it, you don't!
I've seen many people that I've hired think they are ready to take the helm on day one. What they don’t realize is that no matter how smart they are, nobody will follow someone with a selfish agenda and no relevant experience. The best leaders are the first to serve; they exhibit humility. Humility is a funny thing though, the moment you think you have it, you don't!
I don't claim to be an expert on marriage but I married my best friend who still takes my breath away. Fortunately, you are programmed to have a wonderful marriage because you know how you should be treated.
BTW: watch how your future husband treats his mother and expect to be treated the same way.
When you argue and you are reaching your boiling point, STOP and ask yourself, "How is this going to end?" If you want to maintain a good relationship, you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself!
Learn to control your tongue. You should never use bad language. Why? Because when you do, you are allowing other people to control your behavior. Maintain control. Some people feel the person yelling the loudest is the one in control. That is very far from the truth. The person being quiet and listening to the noise and getting an understanding before speaking is the one in control. The louder a person is, the less he knows.
BTW: watch how your future husband treats his mother and expect to be treated the same way.
When you argue and you are reaching your boiling point, STOP and ask yourself, "How is this going to end?" If you want to maintain a good relationship, you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself!
Learn to control your tongue. You should never use bad language. Why? Because when you do, you are allowing other people to control your behavior. Maintain control. Some people feel the person yelling the loudest is the one in control. That is very far from the truth. The person being quiet and listening to the noise and getting an understanding before speaking is the one in control. The louder a person is, the less he knows.
I live by some concepts which seem like bumper stickers because it works for me.
- To reach your goals, help others achieve their goals.
- Try as you may, the only person you can change is yourself.
- Sometimes being right isn't always right.
- There is never a wrong time to do the right thing.
- Never make a decision when you are angry or very happy. You will not be thinking clearly. If someone is demanding a yes or no answer right now always say no. Someone is hoping you will make an emotional decision instead of a logical one.
- If you want someone who is always there for you, excited to see you no matter how you have treated him. You want him to give you unconditional love, buy a dog!
- Once in a while, ask yourself, "Am I going in the right direction?” Or are you on a treadmill, running fast but going nowhere?
- If you want to prove someone is wrong, let them have their way.
- When you want to make a point, make sure you use sweet words because they will taste better if you have to eat your words later.
- Every person you meet is hungry for validation. Mary Kay said to imagine that "every person is walking around with a sign that says make me feel important ". If you can do that, you will have lots of friends.
- Smile a lot.
- Listen to music that makes you dance. I really hope you dance!
- Finally, don't take yourself so seriously!
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