January 21, 2017 - by Laura
As one of my goals for the New Year, I plan to deep clean my entire house. Sounds fun, right? On my goal poster, I have listed each room and closet so I can check it off as the detailed cleaning is completed so I can feel a sense of accomplishment. We have lived in this house for 6 ½ years, since July 2010, the longest we have ever lived in one place. We used to move every three or four years. An impending move would prompt us to go through most of our belongings and question whether or not they were worth packing and transporting to the new place. Since we have been here so long, it is time for a purge.
Today I began tackling the master closet. Of course, I started with Akhil’s side of the closet thinking it would be easier and faster to go through his things than my own. I tend to hold on to clothes just hoping they will come back in style. My daughters recently convinced me to part with some of my 80’s wardrobe insisting that the shoulder pads will not be coming back in style any time soon. I reluctantly conceded although I swear this past fall Macy’s had an embellished jacket that resembled the one Michael Jackson wore in his “Bad” days. I just know I should have waited a little longer and my shoulder pads and baggy pants would be back in style…
As one of my goals for the New Year, I plan to deep clean my entire house. Sounds fun, right? On my goal poster, I have listed each room and closet so I can check it off as the detailed cleaning is completed so I can feel a sense of accomplishment. We have lived in this house for 6 ½ years, since July 2010, the longest we have ever lived in one place. We used to move every three or four years. An impending move would prompt us to go through most of our belongings and question whether or not they were worth packing and transporting to the new place. Since we have been here so long, it is time for a purge.
Today I began tackling the master closet. Of course, I started with Akhil’s side of the closet thinking it would be easier and faster to go through his things than my own. I tend to hold on to clothes just hoping they will come back in style. My daughters recently convinced me to part with some of my 80’s wardrobe insisting that the shoulder pads will not be coming back in style any time soon. I reluctantly conceded although I swear this past fall Macy’s had an embellished jacket that resembled the one Michael Jackson wore in his “Bad” days. I just know I should have waited a little longer and my shoulder pads and baggy pants would be back in style…
Going through Akhil’s clothes was harder than I had imagined. I was always the one to go through his closet when we would move and give away things that were no longer in style or simply not suitable for an executive. Today was a different sort of purge. Today I was making space to organize condom catheters, suction tubing, a Hoyer lift, formula, syringes and all the other paraphernalia that has slowly taken over the closet over the past few years.
Akhil has had ALS for 5 ½ years, and has needed assistance dressing for four of those years. He used to enjoy wearing suits and ties but, these days, he doesn’t even wears pants - we simply cover his lower body with a sheet since he spends his days seated and immobile in his wheelchair. He prefers a simple polo on top because it is easy for me to get it on and off without contorting him too much. Akhil’s clothing needs are pretty simple; a few t-shirts, pull-over sweaters, a sheet and socks.
Akhil has had ALS for 5 ½ years, and has needed assistance dressing for four of those years. He used to enjoy wearing suits and ties but, these days, he doesn’t even wears pants - we simply cover his lower body with a sheet since he spends his days seated and immobile in his wheelchair. He prefers a simple polo on top because it is easy for me to get it on and off without contorting him too much. Akhil’s clothing needs are pretty simple; a few t-shirts, pull-over sweaters, a sheet and socks.
As I went through his closet, I couldn’t give up hope that one day I would see him in a suit and tie again walking toward me with that amazing smile on his face arms extended to embrace me. I kept a couple of his suits and, of course, his tuxedo - that may come in handy again. Then I tackled the dress slacks and button-down dress shirts. As I handled each item, memories would flood my mind of him wearing it, places we went, things we did together. As I boxed up each pair of pants and each shirt, I felt like I was boxing up my memories right along with them. Then there were the ties; Akhil had quite a collection of ties in all colors from the mundane blacks and browns to the wild purples and pinks. I bought him many of the ties as gifts. I couldn’t part with all of them. I had to keep the custom-made tie I got him from the girls one Father’s Day that has a beautiful black and white image of them as the pattern on the tie. I also kept the stars and stripe tie that Akhil got in 1993 to commemorate the day when he became a US citizen.
I kept a couple of the other fashionable ties because you never know when a man crippled by ALS may need to dress up.
I kept a couple of the other fashionable ties because you never know when a man crippled by ALS may need to dress up.
Ironically, the t-shirts were the hardest to look at. Akhil would buy t-shirts on vacation and at concerts as souvenirs. He had shirts from many of our favorite vacation spots, and all the ALS and MS walks and bike rides we had done. He had shirts from all the Bible camps I had facilitated and from some charity events we had participated in. Each t-shirt held special memories of a life lived what seems like a lifetime ago. Akhil didn’t routinely wear t-shirts at home but when we went on vacation, the t-shirts were a wardrobe staple announcing to the crowd what other amazing places he had been.
It occurred to me that I am probably more attached to these articles of clothing than Akhil is. I look at giving his clothes away as a concession to the disease, an acknowledgement that Akhil won’t ever need those things again. Perhaps since Akhil is struggling to get through each day, he has already conceded that his wardrobe is the least of his concerns. For me, it is just one more way that I wish life could be “normal” again. I long for a day when Akhil walks into the closet, gets himself dressed and comes out strutting like a peacock only to hear one of the girls ask, “Is that what you are wearing?” That thought brings a smile to my face and gives me the strength to pack up the last box. After all, if that day comes, Akhil will need new clothes!
It occurred to me that I am probably more attached to these articles of clothing than Akhil is. I look at giving his clothes away as a concession to the disease, an acknowledgement that Akhil won’t ever need those things again. Perhaps since Akhil is struggling to get through each day, he has already conceded that his wardrobe is the least of his concerns. For me, it is just one more way that I wish life could be “normal” again. I long for a day when Akhil walks into the closet, gets himself dressed and comes out strutting like a peacock only to hear one of the girls ask, “Is that what you are wearing?” That thought brings a smile to my face and gives me the strength to pack up the last box. After all, if that day comes, Akhil will need new clothes!
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