Me and ALS
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GOT FRIENDS?

6/29/2015

4 Comments

 
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People are busy.  That busy-ness leads to compartmentalization of our lives. We have people we connect with exclusively at work, others at church, perhaps some solely because they happen to be our neighbors. 

It takes a lot of time and effort to cross connect boundaries to move these associations from affiliations to actual relationships.  For that reason, most people are content to simply maintain these connections while it is convenient.  I have found that once the context for the association is removed, so is the entire connection. 

We moved around a lot in the years I spent working.  While we were living in one place, it would seem that we had a lot of connections with coworkers, neighbors and people from church.  However, once we moved, most of those connections were lost – out of sight out of mind, I guess.  Besides, maintaining these connections may require work – like sending personal messages on Facebook or an occasional phone call.

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Now, ALS has caused me to lose connections.  Since I no longer work, those interactions are gone.  Since I can rarely make it to church these days, most of those connections are gone.  

I am not able to send emails or make phone calls without someone doing it for me so many relationships have been lost.  I am in my home a lot so fortunately, my neighbors are still connected to me!

Being in this situation has made me think about what people can do in order to stay connected especially with someone like me who has been forced to be removed from the environments that led to all their social interactions.  I am not going to lie; I am lonely.  

ALS is my only reliable constant companion.  Russell and Laura are around me the most but they focus much of their time and energy simply on taking care of me.  My children do spend time with me but they are also typical young adults who are busy with jobs, friends and school.  I long to have some meaningful connections outside of my family.

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There are a lot of good, well-meaning people out there who may be reading this and know someone like me who is lonely.  Perhaps you have an elderly neighbor who recently lost his spouse or a coworker who took an unplanned early retirement. 

I want to encourage you to take steps to maintain the connections you have in your life and turn them into relationships.

Even if it has been a while since you last communicated, find a way to reach out to the person.  With all of the electronic options available, it is so easy today.  Send an email, text or utilize  ancient means of communicating like a phone call or even a note in the mail.  I guarantee hearing from you will bring a smile to the person’s face.


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Now that the lines of communication are open, I suggest that you stop by for a visit.  In order to avoid awkwardness, and potentially overstay your welcome, it is a good idea to arrive for the visit prepared with an activity. 

For example, you could bring a photograph from an outing that made you think of the person you are visiting and talk about the reasons why you thought of them.  You might bring a passage from a book that you found interesting or inspiring.  You could even come prepared with some funny YouTube videos queued up on your phone so you can share a few laughs.  Everyone loves cat videos, don’t they?

If the visit goes well, ask at the end of that visit to schedule another time to get together.  Do it then.  If you wait, months may go by before you get up the courage or think you have time to set up another visit.  Pull out your planner and pencil in a date.  

If the person you are visiting is healthy, you might set something up once a quarter.  If the person you are reconnecting with is in failing health like me, you may want to set something up more often.

If the format of your first visit went well, why not stick with it?  If it didn’t go well, try one of the other suggestions.  If you have the luxury of traveling, ask if the person you are visiting would like to see your vacation photos.  I know I would love to live through someone else’s amazing experiences.  

If you have cute kids (and don’t we all?), why not share some videos of your children?  This is a win-win because you will enjoy sharing your photos or videos and the person you are visiting will enjoy getting to know you better.

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Be cautious of bringing children and too many people at once.  For people like me, having lots of people and especially children around, increases my risk of being exposed to illness which could be deadly.

Sometimes a simple massage or moving my arms is all I need because I cannot do it myself.

Good habits are all about discipline.  Discipline involves discomfort.  Force yourself to get uncomfortable as you reach out to someone who needs a relationship in their life.  I am reminded of the quote from Mother Teresa: 


“The smallest deed is better than the grandest thought.” In other words, do something. You will be glad you did! 

4 Comments
Fuzzy
6/29/2015 06:55:43 pm

Akhil bhai.. Please experience the Sudarshan Kriya Yoga..
It only requires one to be breathing.
ALS is not the only friend in that experience. X
See if the Family can do it with you too.
Love to all bro.
Hugssssss
Fuzzy.
Www.aolresearch.org

Reply
Phil Camden link
7/1/2015 12:01:25 pm

Hi Akhil.

I wish I could just drop in and say hi, have a chat and eat another one of your wife delicious bites. Seriously I do wish i could come and spend some time. I have wonderful memory of our visit. Thank you so much for your posts, honesty and openness. I can't imagine what you must go through from day to day, but I guess i will one day. Love you brother and know we WILL meet again.

Reply
Doug Findlay
7/5/2015 02:22:55 pm

Akhil, thank you for your always eloquent and pragmatic thoughts. Kelli has experienced similar realities. Friendship is a "loose" word that's lost its meaning in today's world. It's an intentional investment that goes beyond context and convenience, a desire that places value on the other person. Thanks for sharing!

Reply
John
7/24/2015 03:20:15 pm

Hi Akhil,

Grace to you. It has been too long since our last dialogue. You are spot on in your assessment of interpersonal relationships, especially in a day in which the accessibility of information caters to our inherent desire for immediate gratification and laziness. I am definitely guilty in this area and struggle with efforts to overcome my proximity-driven comfort (laziness). I am encouraged by your blogs, and I am sure others are encouraged by your openness and honesty.

It is funny that you mentioned hope in your subsequent post. We all can use more hope than what we have. Your post reminded me of a verse in Titus that my church has been studying that speaks to this very thing: "For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and wordily passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our BLESSED HOPE" (italics and bold not available). What an amazing verse! There is always hope for those in Jesus Christ. How amazing the providence of our Lord for Him to reveal this verse to me and then lead me back to you. I hope to encourage you with more hope, my friend.

Yours in Christ,
John

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    The video is Akhil's journey with ALS.  Painful to see but the faith his family shows is uplifting.
    ​
    God continues to show his love for us through his people.  Thank you to everyone who has reached out to us, prayed for us, visited Akhil, brought us a meal and served us however God led you to serve.  Continue to follow those urgings from God in serving those who are struggling.

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    Akhil and Laura Jhaveri

    Applying the skills they've learned in over 20 years of marriage, this couple faces the challenges of ALS together. MND or motor neuron disease is deadly with no known cure.  The Jhaveri family has to endure this battle and show the world God's love!

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