It was hard for me because he had been fighting about the same amount of time as I have and, for a time, it seemed like he was doing better than I was. He was about the same age as I am and he also had three children.
At the end, he suffered daily and was not able to breathe which is how he died. It is similar to drowning. I understand that reality, but it is difficult to expect that as my future. It is scary and I am afraid. I find myself wanting to be done with this fight. I have to hold on to hope otherwise I will fall into depression.
Every person’s travels through life are truly unique. I continue to hope that the ending to my story will not be as a result of ALS.
For quite some time, I have had people encouraging me to have faith and then I would be healed. To some degree that hope is encouraging but since the healing hasn’t come, I have begun to question my faith and, as a result, even my salvation. Worse, I questioned my family’s faith because people insinuated that because of THEIR lack of faith, I wasn’t being healed. Really? I can’t control that!
This week I came to the conclusion that yes, God can still perform miraculous healings. I still hope and believe for that healing for myself every day. I also understand that sometimes in spite of our faith and obedience, God simply says, “No.” Why? Because if we are Christians, our purpose here on earth is not to fulfill our own desires but to serve God in whatever way possible. Sometimes that means suffering gracefully to show His power within us, thereby glorifying Him.
As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. "
My point is we don’t know if God’s glorification will be shown through our miraculous healing or through how we handle our suffering. All we do know is that ultimately God is in charge and we are not.