I still have thoughts, however, typing exhausts me. It is so frustrating! I know what letters that I want to type but my neck has to cooperate. Why does my neck get involved? That is a good question. The typing process is very tedious for me. A camera is mounted on the computer screen that looks for a reflector on my glasses. When I move my head which is also moving the reflector, I am actually moving the mouse. I have to point the reflector towards a letter while I move my left knee to compress the clicker to type each letter. The computer also prompts for words to shorten the process a little. On a good day, it takes several minutes to type a sentence. On a bad day, it is nearly impossible. Therefore, look for a blog monthly.
If I have energy I will write my blog. I ask God, "What should I write about?" The answer came to me through Ashley, my oldest child. She was visiting from Spokane. I could tell she was struggling with my progression. Since she doesn't see me every day, it makes sense that she was taken aback with my situation.
As she was leaving, through eyes filled with pain, she asked, "Dad, what is the point of life? I mean, why are we here?" I found myself realizing that my answer will be different than the normal Akhil would have given. Ashley, I dedicate this blog to you!
“Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace till the last syllable of recorded time. And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle! Life is but a shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”
Is that true? Is life — your life — my life, a mere shadow? Are we strutting and fretting upon the stage of some cosmic comedy club? Is life just a tale told by a bad comic, full of noise and nonsense but nothing else, nothing of value? What is the point of human existence, the purpose of your life and mine?
Those are very big questions. But, unfortunately, most people never quite seem to figure it out. It’s not that they fail to try. To the contrary — most people spend the greater part of their lives being told, and so believing, that they must figure out what it is that God put them on this earth to do. And, this becomes their greatest aim and their greatest disappointment, too. Perhaps you have those same questions floating around in your head.
If you guessed, Solomon, you would be correct. After surveying all he had, King Solomon asks, "Is that it?" Understand this, the Bible tells us that nobody has been or ever will be a wealthier or wiser person than Solomon. In spite of his dark realization, Solomon tells us to accept God's gifts and enjoy them.
Solomon does not say, "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you die!" Instead, he advises us to trust God and enjoy what we do have rather than complain about what we don't have. Life is short and life is difficult, so make the most of it while you can.
Ashley, maybe you were really asking, “What is the point of MY life? Why do I keep fighting when I could ask for an early check out?" I have considered it a few times, especially when I defecated on myself, leaving Laura to clean me! Humiliating! How much more do I need to suffer? Everything is so far from what I envisioned our family would be doing today, what I’d be doing today!
A better question might be, “What stopped you from ending the suffering?"
The tulip story! “Huh?"
- Writing the blog and the process of finalizing it with Lori Davis and Laura.
- Spending time with the whole family.
- Escaping by watching anything worthwhile.
- Talking to God all the time. Telling Him, He sucks! Thanking Him for an amazing life. Laughing when He tells me something funny like asking me if I’m going insane with conversations with air?
- My favorite is short visits from anyone, especially if he or she is comfortable enough to move my arms and legs. Lack of motion results in pain which I’ve accepted, so ANY motion is met with a smile.
- Don't get too excited, Ashley, but I laugh at how the dog acts like a person and watching your mom with him is magical. I promise you, when I see her with the dog, I wonder who she is!
I will close with this thought: No matter what happens to me, I am thankful to God for giving me the opportunity to say, "Yup, that girl graduating with honors and wearing a wolf costume under the prestigious black gown, that's MY Ashley!” Then the group at the Ray Hickey House, watching with me said in unison, "Of course it is!"
Ashley, the point of my life is to be your dad!
BTW: The first quote was from Shakespeare’s Macbeth.