Feeling isolated in misery is a technique used by the enemy to win.  Suffering in silence helps nobody. 

That said, I am exposing a personal weakness in the hopes others will realize they are not alone.  My silence ends today!

I confess that recently I categorized all Social Anxiety Disorders in one neat package.  All mental disorders should be solved by mind over matter.  I reasoned, “Just be rational and stop acting foolish!”

Enter a teacher that showed me I was way off base...

With my ALS I have muscle spasms.  My legs get rigid and I can’t move.  This rigidity is accompanied with pain.  Not horrible, but it still hurts. 

I was taking Baclofen on a daily basis to combat this spasticity, but there was an irritating side effect:  Itching.  My back, neck, and head itched badly enough to keep me up at night. 

The solution:  Switch from Baclofen to Tizanidine (different spasticity medicine)

I took it at night before bed and then the fun started!

At 5am I got up in a cold sweat!  I couldn’t breathe.  Being unable to move (I have minimal muscle control) I felt like I was in a coffin!  I was experiencing a full blown panic attack. 

My panic seems to start for no reason. I was soaked in sweat in seconds and my head spun. I felt my heart was going to burst out my chest. I shook from head to toe.  Fear ran through my body. This feeling scared the hell out of me.



Logically I knew there was nothing wrong.  My left brain tried to reason with me.  No way!  I was convinced of some extreme and terrible, yet, unstoppable event was about to occur.  Terror!!

I pride myself as an intelligent person, but my mind could not reason itself out of this condition.

7am – My mind reset, the threat reduced (not eliminated).  I was not shaking anymore.

Next night, I was off all drugs but I could not lie down in bed.  I was panicked about having another attack.  I stayed up all night, sitting in my wheelchair.  I hoped God would call me home NOW!  I was afraid this fear would never leave me!  I was losing my mind.

Anyone else feel anything like this?      

Please comment and let your voice be heard!





My solution:

1.  Avoid drugs that have psychotropic effects. 
(Read the small print!)
2.  Drink warm tea (Decaffeinated)
3.  Watch something funny on TV
(I like The King of Queens)
4.  Memorize words from  the Bible
5.  TALK TO SOMEONE!   (Secrets hurt you)          

Hope this helped you.  You are not alone.  Please know I am still working through this fear, but acknowledging it helps.

NO MORE SILENCE!

Akhil

"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."
Psalm 23:4

My daughters, Corinne and Ashley delighted me with a song on my birthday.  Very clever, wonderful, heartfelt and supercali!   Sorry, is my pride showing?  

I suppose it's possible that I am biased ... NAH!

Enjoy the video and leave comments, I will share them with the girls.  They worked as a team in secret to surprise me with this gem.


If you select the CC option on the video (lower right), you will see Close Captions (in case you want to sing along!)

On YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpPIxF50rIg

"People Are About as Happy as They Make Up Their Minds To Be"
-Lincoln

Recently I had some baaad days.  I was sitting, couldn't get up and couldn't reach anyone for help.  I just sat, helpless, and waited.  After what seemed an eternity, help arrived; but the sense of complete dependance was and is horrifying! 

Next I tried walking and fell pretty hard, hit my head on the ground.  Again a rescue was needed.  I won't bore you with more situations, suffice it to say I was having a rough time.

I was reminded of a truth that helped me get out of the nose dive!  My pity party came to an abrupt end.  I thought you may benefit from how to turn a baaad day into a good one.

Two secrets to staying happy, let me share: 
1.  Save the drama for when you need it most, that time will come!


The drama is something you can save for later.  I know that sounds cold; however, it is true.  Look for what God has planned  and ENJOY the ride.  He really does have the best in mind for you.  The holiday is coming – it is …

2. Memorize the happiness equation.

H = R/E
Simple – yet profound!
H = Happiness,
R = Reality,
E = Expectations

Here's what it means:  In order to be happy, you can improve your reality and then you become happier.  Better your circumstances, the happier you become.  That makes sense but ...

Of course, we can’t control reality, it is what it is so we become victims to circumstances.  I have ALS and am digressing daily.  I fall often and really can't do anything for myself.  That is MY Reality.  Yours might be different, but you really can't control it. 

Are we doomed to be unhappy if our reality sux??  No, read on ...

The other way to improve happiness is the diminish or reduce Expectations.  Interestingly if your expectations are zero, you are infinitely happy! 

So the real key to happiness is managing your expectations!  This is in our control!!

Once I manage my expectations and realize this my season to learn what God has planned for me, all strife gets tolerable.  I expect hardship and therefore remain happy!

We should realize that we have been given an opportunity to learn how to manage our needs and accept what we have.

Once we accept the situation, happiness follows!

Akhil

Thanks Shaprak for the gentle reminder, I needed it!!!!

"True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at any cost, but the urge to serve others, at any cost."
- Arthur Ashe

The Ravens are the "World Champions" - it came down to the very end to determine who would win.  It was a good game to watch for many reasons; but there was a back story that you may have missed that made Superbowl 47 extra meaningful for me.

This story hit me pretty hard.  I couldn't stop crying at what I was seeing. 

I won't ruin this five minute video.
Watch it and I will close with some brief comments.

Was I seeing my future?

Like this Superbowl, it comes down to the end.  How will we finish?  Do we go out beaten or go out like champions?

My hope is, come what may, I keep my smile and spirit strong to inspire others.  God has prepared me to meet this challenge, and He assures me I will NOT be alone.

Akhil

"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
- Matthew 28:20