Ever find your yourself worrying about your job, your children, your finances, your relationships, or your health?  I find myself worrying about all of these constantly.  I'm sure you have worried about them too.

Being Christian we are taught to take our worries to Him in prayer. 
So, we do that.  But now the magic question, how long and how often?
We pray, we believe, we stay silent, we wait-yet nothing happens.  I Still have ALS, my health is deteriorating, and I have no relief in sight. 
How long must I go on praying?  

I'm getting so frustrated.  Am I alone in this or have you found yourself in a similar circumstance?  Help me God with what I'm supposed to do!   

The answer: First, make my prayers very specific.  No more "Whatever you want God."  No, ask for what is wanted exactly,  lay it out for God.  He is big enough to do it.  

Second, I need a thankful heart as I address the master.  But what is a thankful heart

The key to a thankful, worshiping heart is to rely completely on the Lord, trusting that He has nothing but good plans for you.  (Easier said than done.) 

Finally,  even though we want something specific,  we ultimately want one thing.  The thing  we are praying for is a means to an end.  Even if I was healed of my ALS right now,  that would not be the end.  if my financial struggles were to disappear,  there is no guarantee that I would have my end goal.  

We are all looking for one thing.  The one thing that's very elusive yet important: PEACE
 

The question: How long do I keep praying? 

The answer: Until God's peace fills me.  

Sometimes, one prayer is all I need to get that peace.  Sometimes I have to fall on my knees multiple times a day before the peace fills me.  Regardless, I found that praying and asking God for anything does work.  Not in the way I expect; however, I get something better: Peace.

If I'm being honest with myself,  Peace is all I want and thankfully,  God gives it to me supernaturally.

Am I healed of ALS?  No,  not yet.  While I wait for my healing,  I am calm and peaceful which really is an answer to my prayers.  

How does this affect you?  Remember your ultimate goal is peace.  Everything you are asking for is a means to that end.  So cut out the middle man and get right to the point!

June 2011 -  It was night time and my left arm was twitching, kind of like sometimes when your eye twitches. It was annoying but I knew it would go away. Two weeks later it hadn’t stopped so I went and saw my neurologist because I had MS and I thought this was just another flare up.

My doctor said, “MS attacks the central nervous system. What you are experiencing is a peripheral nervous system issue.” I asked, “What does that mean?” The doctor replied, “You need to go see a specialist. Her name is Doctor Goslin.”  

July 28th, 2011 - after meeting with Doctor Goslin for a month, she told me that she suspected that I had ALS. Surprise!
I had just met my Goliath. He walked into the room and threw down the gauntlet. He dared me to pick it up and take him on. 

Fast forward 2 and a half years. My health has deteriorated. My speech is barely intelligible. I’ve lost the ability to feed myself or even take care of the most basic hygiene needs. I’m relegated to a power wheelchair whenever I’m awake. I need to be turned in bed throughout the night because I can’t even move myself. Many times I have wanted to quit, end my life. To basically stop being me. I’m done….. I have contemplated using Death with Dignity (DWD). It seems like the best thing to do.  I’m getting more broken…

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A young mother wanted to encourage her 5 year old son to learn the piano. A polish composer was coming to town. He was a master composer named Paderewski. In order for the mom to encourage and inspire her son, she purchased tickets to the performance.

 The evening came and they went to see the great Paderewski perform. After they found their seats, the mom spotted some friends. She turned to the son and said, “Wait here, I’m going to say hello to some friends of mine.” The moment the mother stood up and began to walk towards her friends, the boy wasted no time in looking for something to do. He found that something in the form of an exit door.

 The lights dimmed and the mom came back to her seat only to find that her son was gone. She was looking around for him when the curtain opened up and on the stage was a grand piano with lights on it.  There for all to see was her 5 year old son playing twinkle twinkle little star with one finger. Obviously, the mom was aghast. 

When Pederewski came walking out behind the boy, the boys first inclination was to run off scared but Pederewski quickly told him, “Don’t stop playing. No matter what keep playing.” Then the master put one arm on each side of the boy and played a counter melody. Together they made the most beautiful music. Music that enthralled and impacted the entire audience. When they were done, the little boy received a standing ovation. 


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How does that relate to me and my struggle with ALS? Don’t you see? I’m playing this broken music. I want to run away and just stop. But then I hear the master saying, “Don’t stop. Don’t quit playing.” He puts his arms around me and together we play the most beautiful music.

When it is all said and done, we will have created something that will impact the world. And who knows, it might even be worthy of a standing ovation. You never know what kind of impact you will have on a world that is watching.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.  Ephesians 2:10

"God, when will I be healed from ALS?!" 

I have been asking the question now for 2 1/2 years. God has been silent.  So I asked God for some guidance. One week ago, I finally heard from Him.  As usual, it was not what I wanted to hear; nonetheless, it was something I needed to hear. Do you know what I heard? It was not the answer to my question but another direction for me to take. 

And God said, "You are asking the wrong question." Then there was silence.  I was confused and didn't understand what that meant. So I was silent and meditated on his statement. And in my silence, God spoke again.  He asked, "Do you trust me and know that I only want good things for you?" To which I replied, "Yes, absolutely!"

And here is the neat part, the reason why I am writing this to you. I got so excited that I wanted to share.  God said to me, "Since you trust me and know that I only want good things for you, then you should be asking me what are the good things that I have in store for you during these challenging times?"

So I asked that question to God, "What do you have for me?" Not surprisingly, I got a bunch of answers. Here they are:

• Did you realize that you are becoming too worldly. (I was pursuing higher positions in my company and forgetting about my family.)
• Did you realize that with ALS your focus has changed. (Duh!)
• You said that you knew me, but did you? (In retrospect, I really didn't know him. I didn't pursue an intimate relationship with him.)
• Have you seen the people that are now part of your life? 
• Have you seen the people that are not part of your life?
• Are you getting the picture that ALS is becoming a discerning factor for you.
• Do you realize that you are becoming more like Jesus because you are being obedient to My will? (I really didn't sign up for this, I was having a good time in my old life.)

What does this mean for you? You probably don't have ALS but you may have some other challenges. You have been asking God, "When will you rescue me from _____? Or, "When will _____ end?" God is saying to you, "That is the wrong question, ask what plan I have for you." 

Trust me, the new line of questioning will get you closer to the truth. You are asking God to reveal himself to you and not demanding results, your results. I am finding out that his ways are better than my ways, usually. 

So, here I am, with a gift from God that I am sharing with you. I hope your prayer life becomes stronger and your relationship with God becomes more intimate. Remember the goal of this life is to get closer to God before we meet him. 

 “Do not store up riches for yourselves here on earth, where moths and rust destroy, and robbers break in and steal.  Instead, store up riches for yourselves in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and robbers cannot break in and steal.  For your heart will always be where your riches are. "  Matthew 6:19-21

In June of 2013, I lost the ability to type. My ALS is progressing (that is a bad thing). I have also lost the ability to raise my arms. And to add to the entertainment package, my speech is also deteriorating. 

I basically wanted to give up . . . and I did. What is the use of going on. It is obvious that I am worthless.  So I laid in bed and felt sorry for myself.  I was justified in that feeling and no one was going to tell me anything to change my mind. I was having a grand old time with my pity party.

Fast forward to New Year's day, a day when our family sits around the table and makes New Year's goals. At this moment, my family asked me what I was planning on doing. I wanted to lay down and die, that was my goal. But I couldn't do that. So instead I decided to act bigger than I felt.  You know, fake it 'til you make it.

So I thought about some goals and I decided that it would be a good idea to update my blog, but how? And then a Beatle's song came to mind. "I get by with a little help from my friends." 

I have a dear friend that comes to visit me every Monday. Her name is Lori. (That is Laura in the picture, not Lori, but you get the idea).  She is the one who is typing this for me, putting up with my slurred speech and her own computer challenges. We make a perfect pair. Testing each other's patience and that is perfect.

So Lori and I will keep blogging every week. No more feeling sorry for myself, no more laying down and dying. I am reminded that if I am not dead then I am not done. It also gives Lori and I an opportunity to have some fun with each other and enjoy each other's company.

I hope that this inspires you. You may want to give up or you may want to quit, but trust me, God has a plan for you.

As for me: I'm back!